woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
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