she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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