I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
