Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
