This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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