dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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