you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
