I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
