i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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