your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
