You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
