it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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