Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
