So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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