made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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