The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
