i may or may not be watching the land before time
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
