just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
