I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
