I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
its liver damage thursday
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