He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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