I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
