Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We had to coat check the pizza.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
