i already hear my dad disowning me
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
