Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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