I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
wakey wakey hands off snakey
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
