my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Your dad touched me again.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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