It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
