ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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