Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
