distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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