Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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