What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
