In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
