We won't sleep together?
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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