I would go down on you faster than GM stock
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
