one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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