I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
