make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
