wanna go halves on a baby?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
