Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
