dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
