Can Purell be used as lube?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
