Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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