so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't deserve a penis
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
