If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
