I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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