Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
