high people should be assigned attendants
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
