I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
