There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
