I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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