I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
