When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
