i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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