Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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