i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
