you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
